Authenticity

Getting honest with yourself part is not easy but it is rewarding in the end. When we are completely honest with ourselves and recognize our shortcomings, we can do something about them. We can make different goals. If we continue without acknowledging these then we find ourselves coming up short all the time. It is like trying to sing opera when you can't carry a tune. If we do not acknowledge to ourselves that we can't carry a tune then we can try all we want to sing opera but we will never get hired. If I do not acknowledge to myself that the reason why my husband and I are fighting is because I am feeling irritable and pressured and he is in my way then I am not going get along with my husband.

4 Basic relationship errors

These four are the most popular relationship problems I see so I will discuss these.
1. The blame game.
This one is the hardest for people to understand. It is so much easier to play the victim and blame the other person for the problems. When you learn that the behavior is appropriate in yourr partner and that the unhappiness is actually within yourself then you can stop blaming the other and start working on yourself.
2. Acceptance is the key.
This one I teach using the serenity prayer. Accept that you cannot change the other person; you can only change yourself. To try and change someone who does not want to be changed is like hitting repeatedly against a brick wall so it is time to stop the pain of trying to move a brick wall.
3. Where's the respect?
Use "I" messages. Attacking the other person only puts their defenses up and does not lead to problem solving. Once this is established and "I" messages are learned then learn basic problem solving skills.
4. Who said you have to be right all the time?
This one is fairly easy to fix. Once the couple sees how unhappy being right is causing both of them, then they give it up.

Circles of friendships

What is your circle of friends?

Imagine concentric circles. In the center is the smallest circle. In this circle is one or two of your closest friends. In the next circle are people that you see everyday and talk about daily activities and events. In the next circle are people that could be called aquaintances. People that you know their names and say hello to. In the next circle is everyone else that you run into. With each circle there are an increasing amount of people.

This circle of friends is important to remember not only because no one wins a popularity contest by being loved by everyone but also because when it comes time to confronting people, it helps you to decide whether it is worth it or not. You would more likely want to confront someone whom you are close to and you would be more likely to want to avoid someone whom you are not close to.

Who owns the problem?

If you can get objective enough about a situation to figure out who owns the problem whether it is you or the other person then you have solved half of the problem. When there are differences that are causing problems between two people whether at work or at home first ask yourself who owns the problem. If it is the other person then first decide whether you want to ask the person to change it or if you want to figure out ways to work around the other persons problem. If it is your problem, then change the way that you look at it.

It is the other person's problem if you ask other people and they say that they have the same problem with that person, if the other person reacts out of the norm of everyone else,

It is your problem if people are telling you, if you find yourself acting out of the norm of other people, or if it is something that you have run into before with other people.