Defeating depression

The best way to fight depression without medication is to do the opposit of what it tells you to do. It will tell you to stay at home, isolate yourself, not call your friends, sit in front of the television, eat whatever is in front of you, thingk about all the bad stuff from the past and not exercise.

Doing the opposit means getting up, going for walks, talking to friends, eating the right foods, getting out of the house and looking into the future instead of the past.

Written by a depressed client

I'm swimming all alone, in a pool of darkness
and I feel like darkness is slowly pulling me under
I yell for help but no one is there to hear it
I begin to see the water at eye level
and I kick and fight
fighting to stay above the darkness
But the darkness won't let go of its hold on me
and I slowly begin to give in
to the feeling that lies below the water line
the water starts to fill my lungs
the lungs that once held so much life
yet now they allow the murky water to replace that
I know that this path doesn't lead to happiness
But why doesn't someone grab my hand
pull me from this darknes
because no one knows I stand at the boundary
the boundary between light and dark
so I give in to the thing that holds me
All of the strength and all of the courage
that I once held in my heart
can't save me from the water
So I slowly slip below the world of consciousness
undetected by the occupants of that world
I don't want to fight anymore
I've given into darkness


Reprinted as written and by permission of client.

Choices, direction and payoff.

This is also something I found somewhere.

EVERYTHING I DO IS THE RESULT OF A CHOICE I MAKE

Every choice I make benefits me positively in some way, even though I may not know what the benefit is at the moment. I have inside me everything I need and all the tools I need to guide my life successfully. I can choose to gain greater self-awareness. I am responsible for 100% of my life. The degree to which others control my life is the degree to which I allow them to control it. I can voluntarily change my feelings by changing my thoughts. I can voluntarily change my behavior. Any problem I have experienced in my life is a problem I have created for myself. If I choose to continue creating a particular problem for myself, I do it because
1} I receive some pleasure of unacknowledged benefit or payoff for continuing the problem or
2) I can avoid a greater or more fearful problem by perpetuating the current problem. In other words, if I solve the current problem, I am afraid the greater problem will occur.

What is cognitive restructuring?

Cognitive restructuring is basically changing thoughts that upset you. To work through this cognitive restructuring exercise, think of an upsetting event.
1. Describe the event, what happened in sequential order.

2. List your feelings about the event.

3. List your thoughts about the event.

4. Evaluate your thoughts and decide which thoughts are helping you and which thoughts are the ones that are upsetting you.

5. Take the ones that are upsetting you and change them to thoughts that are not upsetting you. Soothe yourself and learn how to think differently about these situations when they come up in the future.

The self acceptance script on my site at www.brighterdays4you.com is very helpful for learning soothing thoughts.

Some people find it helpful to write down their thoughts before they write down their feelings. I listed feelings first here because most people find it easier to identify their thoughts by identifying their feelings first.

What therapy is.

Therapy is a learning process. Therapists teach skills and give you tools to help you deal with life in more helpful ways. It is easy to get impatient with this process however remember that you didn't learn how to read overnight. It takes practice. There are stages of learning that might be helpful for you as you go through this process.

1. Unaware that it is a problem.
2. Aware that it is a problem after it happens.
3. Seek help and learn the skill needed to resolve it.
4. Aware when problem happens and able to intervene.
5. Aware that you have learned how to be different.
6. Forgetting that it was ever a problem.

You are highly motivated to learn because you want to get out of the pain that you are in. Because of this, you will find yourself working through the learning process within a couple of weeks. Remember that it took you a long time to learn how to read so be patient with yourself.

Counseling and Motivation

I tell my clients that you can take my advice and do whatever you want with it use it, modify it or throw it away. It is your life, you are the one that is living it not me. It is your choices that are going to help you to get better.

Another thing to consider is that pain motivates. It is the pain that you want to get rid of. If you are choosing not to get rid of the pain then what is preventing you. It must be pretty powerful because otherwise you would have decided to get out of the pain.

Dating

What is blocking the person from entering a relationship needs to be dealt with before the fun of getting out there and dating can begin. Usually if there is problems dating, it is because of distance from the opposite sex parent. We learn how to form romantic relationships by the kind of relationship we have with our opposite sex parent. If that parent is authoritarian then we will likely mate with an authoritarian man and vice versa.
The next step is to get out there and date. Have fun, don’t take it seriously and learn the game of dating. Make use of blind dating sites and don't be afraid to make more then one contact at a time until you narrow your choice down. This can be a time of practicing wooing and of learning what type of person you are attracted to.
The last step is being aware of knowing that when there has been distance between you and your opposite sex parent you will often go hot and cold to the partner you have chosen. This is because of the fear of becoming close to the opposite sex. You don't know how to be close to the opposite sex and yet you want to hence the hot and cold. Telling the partner this helps considerably in this phase.

Depression and medication

How to know when to take medication if you are depressed.

There are two criteria that I use to determine whether a client should go on medication or whether a client could choose either/or. The first is if the thoughts of suicide have become so persistant that they are scaring the client, the means for suicide has become lethal, there have been past attempts or alcohol or drugs are involved and the second is if the client is having a difficult time functioning at home or at the job.

Antidepressants have a long half life which means basically that you feel the side effects before you feel the good effects. The most common side effects people feel are headaches and stomach aches or nausea. These go away after the first week. If they don't then talk to your doctor. The good effects are not felt for about 2-4 weeks later depending on the antidepressant prescribed so do not worry if you are not feeling better right away.

Power and control

You have seen power and control wheels all over the web. You wonder if your guy fits. You hear about domestic violence but your man doesn't hit you, he doesn't even shove you, he doesn't call you names like the guys who beat up their wives so he isn't controlling right? Let me let you in on a secret, if he does even one of these things then he is controlling. He does not have to do the acts of violence.
Warning Signs of a Batterer

Destructive Criticism/Verbal Abuse - Name-calling; mocking; accusing; blaming; yelling; swearing; making humiliating remarks or gestures…
PRESSURE TACTICS - Rushing you to make decisions through "guilt-tripping"and other forms of intimidation; sulking; threatening to withhold money; manipulating the children; telling you what to do…
Abusing Authority - Always claiming to be right (insisting statements are "the truth"); telling you what to do; making big decisions; using "logic…"
Disrespect - Interrupting; changing topics; not listening or responding; twisting your words; putting you down in front of other people; saying bad things about your friends and family…
Abusing trust - Lying; withholding information; cheating on you; being overly jealous…
breaking promises - Not following through on agreements; not taking a fair share of responsibility; refusing to help with childcare or housework…
emotional withholding - Not expressing feelings; not giving support, attention, or compliments; not respecting feelings, rights or opinions…
minimizing, denying and blaming - Making light of behavior and not taking your concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn't happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behavior; saying you caused it…
economic control - Interfering with your work or not letting you work; re fusing to give you or taking your money; taking your car keys or otherwise preventing you from using the car; threatening to report you to welfare or other social service agencies…
self-destructive behavior - Abusing drugs or alcohol; threatening suicide or other forms of self-harm; deliberately saying or doing things that will have negative consequences (e.g., telling off the boss)…
isolation - Preventing or making it difficult for you to see friends or relatives; monitoring phone calls; telling you where you can and cannot go…
harassment - Making uninvited visits or calls; following you; checking up on you; embarrassing you in public; refusing to leave when asked…
ACTS OF VIOLENCE
intimidation - Making angry or threatening gestures; use of physical size to intimidate; standing in doorway during arguments; out shouting you; driving recklessly…
destruction - Destroying your possessions (e.g., furniture); punching walls; throwing and/or breaking things…
Threats - Making and/or carrying out threats to hurt you or others…
sexual violence - Degrading treatment based on your sex or sexual orientation; using force or coercion to obtain sex or perform sexual acts…
physical violence - Being violent to you, your children, household pets or others; slapping; punching; grabbing; kicking; choking; pushing; biting; burning; stabbing; shooting; etc…
weapons - Use of weapons, keeping weapons around which frighten you; threatening or attempting to kill you or those you love…